Twilight/New Moon Double Review

To be honest, I cannot fully review these movies. I watched each drunk because it was the only way that I could sit through them.

Before I watched any of the movies, my old roommate left me her copy of the first book at my apartment. I didn't want to read it. Then when she came back to visit 6 months later, she was going to quiz me on it (okay maybe not "quiz" but ask me how I liked it). I read it the night before she came and I wish I were drunk for that too. I would review the book but there are much better reviews out there that say the same thing I would say. As far as the first movie went, it was painstakingly like the book with terrible dialogue, terrible acting (Kristen Stewart, I'm looking at you), and a terrible plot of a girl who obsessed over a stalker who she has only seen across the table once. By stalker I mean watching you sleep, coming in your window, knowing where you are at all times, etc. My ex and I went to the movie drunk ($1 movie night at our college) and got asked to leave before any action happened (like 75% of the way through because NOTHING HAPPENS).

New Moon is the same shit with more stalking (this time by a werewolf), more swooning over guys, and a lot less shirts (why??). The main character (again terrible actress Kristen Stewart) cannot chose between two men, and the one she truly loves has run off to keep her safe. Then she goes f'ing psycho and starts almost killing herself (I wish she would have) to have him pop up as a puff of cloud to worry about here and tell her to stop being stupid. I didn't read this book, so when I fell asleep before the action happened, I don't know what else happened in the film. I didn't even get to see how Dakota Fanning grew up. My fault for playing a drinking game with this movie and sitting on a couch. Couches always cause me to fall asleep! I was told that the action was at the end again and I didn't miss much. More terrible acting, script, dialogue, and plot. Not worth it and I'll never understand why people like watching movies about stalkers and fantasizing about them.

Pretty soon I expect to watch the latest of the Twilight series, Eclipse, drunk and see if I make it to the point where the action happens (if it does).

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